I was raised evangelical and I always believed in god.
I trusted my life on him, prayed every night and believed that he loved and cared for us.
Then a stroke of fate hit my family and I got trust issues. How could god let something so bad happen? Why didn’t he do anything?
I realised that there is so much terror, pain and hatred in this world that it’s hard to believe in god from time to time. If he has the power to stop all this, why isn’t he doing anything?
Of course, he gave us our own will but humanity is just a bunch of kids with atmoic bombs, napalm and weapons. Humanity need someone to supersvise it!
Why does he not help us, help the starving kids and adults in africa, help the sick and lonely?
How can he just look away like that?
I was wondering if it was the one true religion. What if god and jesus is just a story and another religion, maybe hinduism is the true one?
What if I go to hell because I prayed to the wrong god? What if there is more to religion than blindly trusting something that maybe isnt there?
How can we know what the one true religion is? Or are they just the same in different ways? Or are all of them stories and there are no gods at all and we are all alone?
I searched for many years, found buddhism and found a new meaning.
Life is pain and Man forges his own destiny.
There are no gods to save you, you have to do it yourself.
Somehow I came to realise that god had to be someone who rellay wanted to have a pet farm. So he got one, put itin a terrarium and now he watches the little ants as they live on. He stopped interfering to let us live our live.
I still believe in god and I pray from time to time but I do not hope that he will save me someday or help me. I’m just one of his children. He loves me and everybody else but he won’t help us in our darkest days.
We have to help ourselves. We have to take care of ourselves alone and we have to make something of our life. Nobody will live it, we have to.
Maybe there is a heaven, a Nirvana, a Valhalla or a reincaration. Maybe there is nothing of that.
I know that I want to enjoy my life, I cannot rely on something that is uncertain. I have to rely on myself. I have to make myself happy and my life worth living.
If I die happily I lived to the fullest and then there will be nothing to regret.